Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.
Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They’re trying to get away from the noise.
Q. What’s the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.